Since I finished high school I’ve never really been single, (coughs). I never thought I could be (just over here feeling myself), there was always a girl I was eyeing or there was always a girl eyeing me (this hasn’t changed much). I never dated for fun though, every relationship I was in was serious with a clear goal (marriage and twins, still goals). I grew up in church so I knew that it was a man’s duty to love a woman will all his will and might. I didn’t quite understand what that meant as I later came to find out. Something was missing. Loving myself first was important. Developing my inner being was a stage I could not skip. That’s why I am here right now (sitting on the couch in my house eating cookies as I write this), very happy and single!
Most people think being single is a curse but oh please allow me to correct you. It is far from the misery and loneliness every other single person out there is trying so hard to portray, (also, you don’t have to put up with anyone else’s farts other than your own). It is an opportunity to self-discover, to create and build, to polish and practice being the best version of you! I’m not saying that being in a relationship is a bad thing, not at all! It is actually quite amazing if in the right time. But since I’m not in one at the moment you’re stuck with my example (muhahaha!). I have been single for at least 8 months now (this is a big deal) and in this beautiful journey I have discovered more about myself than in the last 10 years. I have also made significant progress in both my personal life and my career. I am rather happy and satisfied.
Now, I wanna share five basic principles I discovered. They’ve helped me work on so many areas of life like my patience in situations, how honest I am with people, my level of perseverance and the amount of effort I put into the things I do, just to mention a few.
I hope they will help you better yourself and your character in all ways.
Most people are scared of themselves and they don’t know it. You’ve spent your entire life feeding off people, you don’t know how to feed yourself (sigh). So you always feel like you need to be with people, to copy what they do and how they think. You figure that if you allow someone else’s positive character around you, you’ll probably have the same character. As true as that is, I believe there’s a more sure way to it. You see, if that happens, all you have is someone else’s character, not your truly found own (it’s like calling yourself ‘The Stone’ after hanging out with ‘The Rock’). You haven’t taken time to look at yourself and see what about you makes you who you are and whether it needs to change or improve. It’s good to have positive people around you, but that should be after you have discovered who you are as a person. Then you will know why exactly these people are there. Do not be afraid of being alone once in a while, you learn a lot this way, so accept the challenge.
Before you allow people to influence you, first know in what particular area you want to be influenced. Keep in mind we’re still on positive vibes here (only positive influences allowed).
You do this by identifying your weaknesses, why and how they affect you and those around you and then finding someone who has these as their strengths. Then, because you already know what you want to achieve, you can allow this person to help you get there (I believe this is called mentorship). The reason why having a framework is important, is because sometimes this other person’s way of doing things might not necessarily appeal or work for you, so you have to figure out your own methods. You also need to establish your own value system. It is important to know what you stand for and what set of principles are right for you. Personally, I base my framework on God’s word, Romans 12:9-21 (read it). Here I find what He says about me and how he says I should be. What’s your framework?
A framework is only as good as its practicality. You can’t say you want to learn if you don’t allow yourself to be taught, and by allowing yourself to be taught I mean also learning on your own, doing, practicing. Character is what defines you, so everything you do matters. If you do not practice what you learn then you really haven’t learned anything. Understand that character building is a lifelong process so discipline is key.
The problem with most of us is that once we gain a little mileage, we get comfortable and feel like we have arrived at our destination. In the workbook BECOMING KENYA’S FINEST which we use to train our CLASS EIGHT groups, there’s a topic called ‘MY UNLIMITED POTENTIAL’. One of the lessons in this topic is that we should never settle for past successes or even failures. Simply put, you can always improve! No matter how good you think you’ve become there’s always more ‘becoming’ waiting. Take for instance, the first mobile phone or car to be invented. We knew (‘we’ here refers to the human race, just in case you’re confused) we had discovered something huge. At the time, the inventors probably didn’t think things would improve as much as they have now, but that didn’t make them settle did it? Make improving a habit.
As is with pretty much all other areas in your life, there’s this ‘ka-temptation’ called conformity. The Bible (manze si nimeokoka!) again in Romans 12:2 talks about it (uuhmm, read it perhaps?).
Most of us make such good progress then we suddenly shift back to our old ways. We allow ourselves to conform to worldly ways and forget our WINNING WAYS. This is caused by so many things we face, the desire to fit in, to please other people, etc. My best friend and I sat outside on his living room balcony a few weeks ago talking until 3am (sema bromance). He said to me, “Dude, you are important! Your values are important! Your feelings are important!” Now I say this to you. YOU ARE IMPORTANT, YOUR CHARACTER IS IMPORTANT!
Once you get here, do not go back, do not allow anyone to take you back to how you used to be. Stand your ground. Whatever you lose in the process was never meant for you. Stick to your lane!
Author: Kevin Kamonjoh | Date Created2017-06-08 05:50:41 | Comments: 0