Are you sure you will be there; to dry my tears and stroke my hair? Are you sure you will be there when I have chosen not to care? Are you sure you will be there when I’m doing it all wrong, when I’m no longer strong? Are you sure you’re going to be there when I walk into the tree you told me about? Are you sure you’re going to trust me to run, when yesterday I ran into your now broken favorite bowls?
Am I angry? No! I’m livid!
Because I remember the look you gave me when you saw me first; that of belief and acceptance. The one that told me that I would grow up to be great, the one that told me… that told me that no matter what you would love me. But you forgot the promises that your eyes made. You forgot the trust that I gave you; to hold me as a naked babe. You forgot how vulnerable I stood letting you see it all. You forget I let you see all my flaws. You forgot that I expected you to be there when I fall, that I am still your little girl. I don’t need your unkind words you wouldn’t give them to me then, why give them to me now? You forget that children don’t forget, and what you said will float over my head. And you forget that to you I will always be a child
You made me who I am. Remember I’m but a reflection of you. Maybe you’re angry at me because you’re angry at you. But you forget that I need you, to trust me, to love me; the love that never fails, the love that is ever true. A love that is kind all the time, a love that is wise. I need you, to put away your fears, put away your disappointments, to put away your doubt. I need you.
If you don’t appear then I will grow up saying I want to be nothing like you. Fighting to be something different. Looking down at my little babe but really repeating the cycle. The cycle of what I grew up seeing. Then my little bae will one day write me a piece just like this.
So this is what you do, in case you’re confused. Hold your tongue; the things you say today for me never go away. Be kind when the sky is blue but be even better when I stand in need of you. Not just as my mother but as my friend. To laugh with me when jokes are funny, to hold me when there is bulge in my tummy. To love me when I make mistakes, to trust me when I burn the pancakes.
Author: Ivy Njeri | Date Created2016-05-06 03:06:23 | Comments: 0